i'm gonna break my sunday tradition today and blog on a friday. here's all for being spontaneous and trying new things :P

it is scary. i'm down to my last week of uni. if you ask me how i'm feeling, honestly, i don't know. i am to a certain extent happy, as i'm seriously tired of studying; but yet, there is a hint of regret. i'm regretting how i started this chapter of my life. i'm regretting how i've only started socializing more during the last year of my uni life. i'm regretting how i did not trust my gut instinct.

regrets are one thing. but life is made up of time, and time is linear. you can't go back. you can't rewind it and try to re-edit your life. no, you can't do that. all you can do is live. not for the past; maybe for the future. but what is important is to live for the present. yes, yes...i know it sounds all too familiar. but i was reading an article today on how pent-up emotions we have can result in them being expressed in other forms. for example, that nagging pain on your right shoulder could be an accumulation of some negative energy from a fight with a loved one. or maybe, the nasty breakouts on your face could be due to your inability to let go of something that has happened. okay, so maybe you may think "oh no, sarah has gone all zen believing in alternative treatments etc." but i do believe this is true.

and i think this stupid pimple scar i have had on my chin since april (shit! 6 whole months!) has got to do with my inability to let it all go (letting it go is more than getting over it, because i can bravely and strongly say that I AM INDEED OVER IT!). and also the immense regret i am experiencing and feeling right now with my whole living abroad experience here in Sydney. yes, there may be regrets as to how things went, but there is no point harping about them. in fact, it may not be too late at all to start afresh again here. after all, my current plan is to apply for permanent residency and work here for a while. i must say indeed, that i do enjoy living here, and there's a certain charm about Sydney that makes me wanna stay here. well, there are reasons luring me back to Singapore, but i don't know if they are strong enough for me to go back now. i do wanna go back, but the question is..when?

i guess as time progresses, the bigger picture will all become clearer. for now, i shall just start sketching this picture, filling in the colours as i go. and for all i know, the picture that i've sketched could indeed be very different from the final piece of work.

ok, so it may just seem like a whole load of garble, but yes, i need to let it all go. for once i've let all the negative energies out can positive energy start filling in again. i've lost some innocence, a bit of my smile, and maybe to a certain extent a part of me. but i believe like all living things, i still have the potential to grow; the potential to bloom once again.

so yes, from today onwards, i will no longer be plagued with these regrets of mine. i am officially letting it all go.

xx
sarah